So. Frustratinks.

This is the second time in a month that my cable has been affected by the silly twats at Cogeco. The first time, someone moved in upstairs and when they hooked up her cable (switching some switch in a box outside our building) they in turn knocked mine out.

Fine. Whatevs. I go four days without cable until they can send a technician over to flip said outside switch. Chicky on the phone told me I wouldn't have to be there, that it was an outside issue, and that technician man could fix it without having to be let into the apartment. She was right.

This time around I dropped my cable package to receive fewer channels, and dude came on Wednesday to flip another switch. Coincidentally, since Wednesday my TV has been fuzzy. So I call this morning (first time I could get to it with working nights and wedding hoopla), and dude on the phone tells me to unhook my VCR, blah blah blah, and if that doesn't work, I'd have to be in my apartment from 12-5 on this Wednesday for another service call. When I pointed out the last time I wasn't needed--that I was specifically told I didn't have to be in my apartment and that this was an outside issue--he says I'm wrong.

To which I say, "So, what you're suggesting is that it's just a coincidence someone was here working on the cable outside on Wednesday, and since Wednesday I haven't had cable? Wouldn't it make sense that this is an outside issue, and not an inside issue?"

To which he says, "No."

Dumb @ss. I have to call back tonight to tell them I've unhooked my VCR, and plugged the cable line directly into the wall. I then have to confirm the need for a service call. But I think I might go to the mattresses on this one though, asking to speak to a manager, because I've now been paying for a months worth of cable when I haven't actually had it for more than half of the time.

What do you think? Advice?

Poll time:

I was talking to mama this morning and she said that when a wedding is early in the morning, and the reception is later at night, people usually don't wear their "fancy outfit" to the ceremony. That they change into their more formal outfit before hitting the reception.

Educate me.

What do you think?

Is it just me?

On my way to work this morning (or should that be afternoon, as I started at 1:00?) I passed a murder of children, none of which was older than 10, each of which was toting a large Starbucks chilled, mocha, something-or-other.

Am I the only one who thinks it's weird to see children drinking Starbucks?

It's offish...

I think I've offish identified my #1 pet peeve: people who drive with no awareness of what's happening around them.

You know these people. These are the people who drive really slowly in a parking lot, and randomly break, and sit there, so you have no idea what they're doing. These are the people who move over to the left hand side of the road in order to make a right hand turn. These are the people who don't signal. These are the people who don't let you in when you're merging. These are the people who drive in the fast lane and don't move over when someone is clearly trying to pass them. These are the people who stop at a corner when there's no stop sign, or it's their right of way. These are the people who suddenly slow down on a side street, but don't signal that they're doing anything, and then randomly pull over to the side of the road after making you wait behind them for 5 minutes while you're growing more and more frustrated tyring to determine if they're head has been pulled firmly out of their @ss or if there's still part of it wedged up there.

These are the people I can't stand. And these are ALWAYS the people I end up behind on the road.

"If I had $17,000,000..."

Punk bought me a lotto ticket for Saturday night's jackpot. He said the $17,000,000 would help pay for Goose's "medical bills". I said thank you, and offered to buy him a Blizzard if in fact I was a winner.

As you can see, I'm not.

But had I won, here is a list of the ridiculous things I would have done:

1. I would have paid a Molly Maid to clean my apartment. Daily.

2. I would have purchased a cake shop specializing in house-shaped cakes. (*wink* that one was for you, Keri...)

3. I would have bought one of those Oscar Myer Wiener-mobiles, and driven across country passing out hot dogs and good cheer (stopping, of course, in Saskamatoon and Calgary for vegetarian, non-gluten, no sugar hot dog-like bi products... yum...)

4. I would have purchased THESE and I would have walked around in them all day, every day. Because I can.

5. I would have some roller skates. Just because. My neighbour used to have them, and they had a key to go with them, and they were white with big red wheels, and I lubbed them. I would roller skate up and down my street.

6. I would have found the biggest bed imaginable with an even bigger down filled pillow topper, and some of huge soft pillows with kabillion thread count sheets. Because I'm a kabillionaire, and it's only fitting that my sheets should match me. And I would lay in it all day (when I'm not rollerskating or walking around in those killah shoes) and I would cuddle.

7. I would take out a student loan and pay it right back for the satisfaction of just doing it.

8. I would find some way of making it safe to mail kittens to people. Because it would be nice to receive a kitten in the mail.

You?

Update: Goose is walking around, and even purred on my lap this morning. He's not himself, and he's not eating much, but no more trips to the vet. For now. Reality is he's 12 years old, and feeling his age.

Goose

Dudes. Goose is super sick. Keep your fingers crossed for me/him, will ya? He's a really good boy.

Texas Hold 'Em

I was robbed out of $80 in a Texas Hold 'Em poker game last night.

While I enjoy the game, and had a lot of fun playing, it was getting s'rsly late and I needed/wanted my bedders. So I just randomly started calling "all in". Well wouldn't you know it, b*lls to the wall actually works for me and I start winning.

Now I'm invested again.

So it comes down to me and a friend's brother. And on the draw I'm given:

So I call "all in". And he calls me.

Turns out he has:

I pretty much assume I'm pooched, until I see the flop:

Fantástico, as my Spanish brothers would say!

At this point I'm pretty sure it's in the bag. So I stand up and start jumping up and down. Turn card?

Nothing for either of us. I start dreaming of what I'm going to do with my $80, when I'm hit with the river:

Robbed. Totally and completely robbed.

But what a way to go out, huh?

Five confusing and/or random statements:

1. When it rains, it pours. And this is no commentary on the current torrential state of So-O.

2. There are so many things I want to say, but don't say, but should say, but can't say, which makes me think they're better off left unsaid. So I store them in my cheeks, like a flippin' hamster.

3. I can't help myself. It's as if the nerves in my fingers detach themselves from my brain, and even though everyone inside of me (emphasis on the everyone) is saying "No! Stop! Don't do eet!" I do it anyway. And then as soon as it's done, and I'm looking at my handiwork, it's then that I realize those lurkers inside of me know what they're talking about. I should have pulled a Paul McCartney and just let it be.

4. Page 153 was the TSN turning point. I thought I was doing okay until GD page 153.

5. I like the way it all fits horizontally.

Why do I bother with the Fortino's self check-out? I hate that farking thing. I inevitably end up being told to "wait for cashier assistance". But if I farking wanted a cashier's assistance I would have gone into a farking cashier's line! And I already DID put the milk in the bag, so stop telling me to "place the item in the bag"!

Gawd.

Psst...

... Camping pictures are up!

Update:

Beef found us some uniforms for the INOs:



Which one do we choose, do 'ya think?

2008 INO

There was some serious talk last night after our very first Frisbee play-off game (default win--no one from the other team actually showed up?! WTF... Talk about a big honking zero on the 'ole "spirit scoreboard"...)

We've decided to host the first annual summer INO: International Non-Olympics. The idea being that we hold tourneys in various non-Olympic (yet equally as fabulous) "sports" (note, I use the word sports liberally:

• Cups
• Croquet
• Lawn Darts
• Old Maid
• Bocce Ball

So, the INOC (International Non-Olympic Committee) will be busy over the next few weeks planning events and preparing locations for the expected crowds. I'm looking at you people to help generate ideas, re: games to play. Any suggestions?

I'm also taking uniform design ideas. Please try to make them more attractive than this year's Canadian track suits. I don't want on-lookers collapsing into seizures on account of your designs.

Camping Extravaganza 2008

As a reprieve of last years shenanigans, the high school ladies descended on Bon Echo again this year for our second annual "Ladies Camping Soiree". T'was muchas fun, mi amigos!

Fingers and I left Friday morning, and burned up the 401 with very little traffic. Correction, Fingers, FREE SAMPLES, and I left Friday morning. Although the poor dear broke her toe and was unable to accompany us in flesh, a voodoo version of herself (pictured left) managed to make the trip. Please note I trimmed the hair into the "Posh bob" for visual effect. Please also note fake FS is slightly overdressed, as real FS usually is.

With FS navigating, Fingers at the wheel, and me sipping lattes and choosing the music, we made record time. We even made two pit stops--one for Happy Meals, and the other for extra Motts Caesars (Lord knows you can't have enough Caesars). FS was super pumped to arrive, and even helped carry the wood into our walk-in campsite.*

*note: while our campsite was rockin', the carrying of 5 giant food bags, 4 bags of firewood and kindling, 2 tents, 2 air mattresses, 2 packs, 2 coolers, 2 floaties, 2 camping chairs, 2 foot stools, 2 sleeping bags and pillows, 1 case of beer, 1 bag of tools and cutlery, 1 huge mutha tarp, and a partridge in a pear, tree was not.

Friday evening was beautiful, and after our evening nature lesson ("Nature's Way" at the amphitheatre with Jess and Erin) we settled in for a campfire and gossip. Oh, and FS went for a nature hike.

Saturday morning = polar bear swim.

Saturday was a bit drizzly-doo, so we set up our giant tarp engineering styles (honestly, we were so on fire, you'd think a team of dudes assembled it and not little 'old Fingers and LL), and had pina coladas (at, like, 9:00 a.m.)

Next we toured the park, Fingers ate the worlds largest hot dog, I had a coffee, we brought fake FS up to check-in so she could wait for Poomobile (pictured right), and took a nap. A most hungover Poo arrived (wedding the night before) and brought what appeared to be the storm of the century with her, just in time for dominoes and cheesies under our wicked, kick butters tarp creation:



Saturday night cleared, though, and after meeting the worlds funniest pug (Jennifer LoPugs.. Yes... You read that correctly. Check out the paparazzi photos she let me take of her, will ya? Too many important gigs to be caught in photos with me...) we ended the night with another nature lesson ("Dangers and Explosions"--I now know way too much about leaches...), and more campfire-ing. Oh, and grilled cheese (yum!) There may or may not have been some girly gossip in there too, and my cheeks might have hurt from all the laughing. But my lips are sealed.

I also almost wet my pants. Unrelated to the laughing.

Sunday morning = another polar bear swim (to combat the grossly greased hair sit-i-ation).

Then Poo volunteered us for CHURCH *eye roll* and after what could conceivable have been the longest bloody non-denominational service of my life (filled with what Poo claims were "grammatical errors" on the part of the preacher), we missed what possible chance we had of suntanning. So we headed back to camp for Caesars and cards (Old Maid). Followed by snacking. And napping. And snacking. And more swimming (and almost being run over by the Mugwump ferry boat and my mid-swim panic that I would drown in Lake Mazinaw), followed by subsequent napping and snacking.

Sunday afternoon we got nervous as new campers arrived in the site above ours. The gentleman brought a guitar and we had visions of his serenading us all night with replayed version of "Kumbaya". Although I was fully prepared to beat him with my marshmallow stick, he kept the droning to a minimum. We took a quick trip down memory lane and visited our old campsite, only to unanimously decide we could never go back to car camping after being on a premium walk-in site--the noise, congestion, children on bicycles, car alarms, and rowdy rowdies was almost overwhelming.

Sunday night FS wanted to go to the final nature demonstration ("Please to Mate-ya") where she managed to pick up (pictured left). We were totally impressed--just look at his biceps, will ya? Then Fingers took us back to the campsite for the worlds greatest pita pizzas and beer (and silly conversations about things like "am I drunk, or is there a daddy long legs on my face?") We capped off the night with dollar store sparklers.


Monday we packed up, and with muscley armed Poo and substantially less reserves, managed to cart our gear out in under an hour. I rolled my tent with about 1000 daddy long legs trapped inside, which will no doubt pop out at me all angry and sh*t this weekend. Tra la. Alls well that ends will.

We're super pumped to re-book for next year, but might be bold enough to try Sandbanks. Only 362 days left to plan...

Fan Letter to the Guy Who Makes My Morning Coffee at the Second Cup

Dear Second Cup Man,

Hi, how are you? I am good. You are my favorite coffee person (seriously!). This is due to a number of reasons, but mostly because of the fact that you always remember I bring my own coffee cup cosy, so you don't wastefully put on an extra paper one. You are not David Suzuki, and you work in a store that gives out millions of paper cups a day, but you are helping me to save the world one paper coffee cup cosy at a time. I think that is awesome.

Have you seen that they opened a Starbucks on Locke Street? They did. I've been there, and it's stupid. Their selection of hot drinks are expensive and there is no nice place to sit with more than one palsie to have a tea and a conversation at the same time. Someone always ends up facing the wall. Has Second Cup thought about putting a store on Locke Street? Do they tell you about these things before they sign off on them? They really ought to let you have a say in what goes on... That's just my opinion.

Anyway, I hope this letter finds you well. Please don't try pushing that tall non-fat Icepresso on my the next time I'm in. I know it's your job, but I'm not that kind of girl. It would also be completely rad if you could remember that I like your medium house blend with skim milk. Try to remember, okay? After that, do what you have to do.

Sincerely,

Library Lady

P.S.--Homo milk in any capacity, let alone in coffee, is farked up, and I am not okay with it. Don't tell me it's because I am not a guy because guys like big, thick milk. That is a cop out and you know it.

Camping Extravaganza 2008

Alright. That's it. I haven't been able to do anything with the soiree photos. I'll offish take my head out of my butters sometime this week and get on my game. Until then, here's the camping summary. I've indicated you where the photos will actually be (bear with me...), and will notify you lates when I'm actually able to update them. Le sigh indeed.

---

As a reprieve of last years shenanigans, the high school ladies descended on Bon Echo again this year for our second annual "Ladies Camping Soiree". T'was muchas fun, mi amigos!


Fingers and I left Friday morning, and burned up the 401 with very little traffic. Correction, Fingers, FREE SAMPLES, and I left Friday morning. Although the poor dear broke her toe and was unable to accompany us in flesh, a voodoo version of herself (pictured left) managed to make the trip. Please note I trimmed the hair into the "Posh bob" for visual effect. Please also note fake FS is slightly overdressed, as real FS usually is.


With FS navigating, Fingers at the wheel, and me sipping lattes and choosing the music, we made record time. We even made two pit stops--one for Happy Meals, and the other for extra Motts Caesars (Lord knows you can't have enough Caesars). FS was super pumped to arrive, and even helped carry the wood into our walk-in campsite.*


*note: while our campsite was rockin', the carrying of 5 giant food bags, 4 bags of firewood and kindling, 2 tents, 2 air mattresses, 2 packs, 2 coolers, 2 floaties, 2 camping chairs, 2 foot stools, 2 sleeping bags and pillows, 1 case of beer, 1 bag of tools and cutlery, 1 huge mutha tarp, and a partridge in a pear, tree was not.


Friday evening was beautiful, and after our evening nature lesson ("Nature's Way" at the amphitheatre with Jess and Erin) we settled in for a campfire and gossip. Oh, and FS went for a nature hike.

Saturday morning = polar bear swim.


Saturday was a bit drizzly-doo, so we set up our giant tarp engineering styles (honestly, we were so on fire, you'd think a team of dudes assembled it and not little 'old Fingers and LL), and had pina coladas (at, like, 9:00 a.m.) Next we toured the park, Fingers ate the worlds largest hot dog, I had a coffee, we brought fake FS up to check-in so she could wait for Poomobile (pictured right), and took a nap.


A most hungover Poo arrived (wedding the night before) and brought what appeared to be the storm of the century with her, just in time for dominoes and cheesies under our wicked, kick butters tarp creation:


[INSERT VIDEO HERE]

Saturday night cleared, though, and after meeting the worlds funniest pug (Jennifer LoPugs.. Yes... You read that correctly. Check out the paparazzi photos she let me take of her, will ya? Too many important gigs to be caught in photos with me...) we ended the night with another nature lesson ("Dangers and Explosions"--I now know way too much about leaches...), and more campfire-ing. Oh, and grilled cheese (yum!) There may or may not have been some girly gossip in there too, and my cheeks might have hurt from all the laughing. But my lips are sealed.


I also almost wet my pants. Unrelated to the laughing.

Sunday morning = another polar bear swim (to combat the grossly greased hair sit-i-ation).


Then Poo volunteered us for CHURCH *eye roll* and after what could conceivable have been the longest bloody non-denominational service of my life (filled with what Poo claims were "grammatical errors" on the part of the preacher), we missed what possible chance we had of suntanning. So we headed back to camp for Caesars and cards (Old Maid). Followed by snacking. And napping. And snacking. And more swimming (and almost being run over by the Mugwump ferry boat and my mid-swim panic that I would drown in Lake Mazinaw), followed by subsequent napping and snacking.

Sunday afternoon we got nervous as new campers arrived in the site above ours. The gentleman brought a guitar and we had visions of his serenading us all night with replayed version of "Kumbaya". Although I was fully prepared to beat him with my marshmallow stick, he kept the droning to a minimum.


We took a quick trip down memory lane and visited our old campsite, only to unanimously decide we could never go back to car camping after being on a premium walk-in site--the noise, congestion, children on bicycles, car alarms, and rowdy rowdies was almost overwhelming.


Sunday night FS wanted to go to the final nature demonstration ("Please to Mate-ya") where she managed to pick up (pictured left). We were totally impressed--just look at his biceps, will ya? Then Fingers took us back to the campsite for the worlds greatest pita pizzas and beer (and silly conversations about things like "am I drunk, or is there a daddy long legs on my face?") We capped off the night with dollar store sparklers.

Monday we packed up, and with muscley armed Poo and substantially less reserves, managed to cart our gear out in under an hour. I rolled my tent with about 1000 daddy long legs trapped inside, which will no doubt pop out at me all angry and sh*t this weekend.


Tra la. Alls well that ends will. We're super pumped to re-book for next year, but might be bold enough to try Sandbanks. Only 362 days left to plan...

Dudes.

I tried compiling the camping soiree pictures yesterday but Papa's computer was acting merde, so I couldn't get them onto a disc. Hence no camping update to speak of. But 'tis coming. Trust.

In other news, THIS made me laugh yesterday. A lot. My cheeks might even have hurt a little bit.

And the sleeping issues seem to have fallen by the wayside. At least for now. Don't know exactly what that's all about--not much has changed in my wee life. Perhaps they flew away with the fruit flies? But I haven't touched a Graval in a week or two, and I still have enough Sleepy Time Tea and herbal what-sits to choke a donkey. So should it rear it's ugly head again, I'm ready *cue Rocky theme music*

Ramblings

Bonjour mon amie! It's been way too long, peeps. Defs got the Bread and Jam sweats from lack of posting. This weekend was the girls camping soiree, and when I get my act together I'll compile the pictures and get thee an update tout de suite! Until then, you'll have to make do with this one picture of me being scared by the thunder storm that set in on Saturday, and my ridiculous ramblings.

Rambling #1: Up until this very evening, my apartment was overrun with fruit flies. I'm talking hundreds of them. An army. And I'm a tidy and generally clean person, so this was not jiving with my "flow", as you can imagine. Much like my mother who launched a full on war against the kitchen moths she couldn't get rid of (even after head-to-toe cleaning the cupboards three times, and investing hundreds of dollars in overpriced Tupperware), I was obsessed with getting rid of them--changing the garbage, scrubbing the kitchen, cleaning out the recycling...

Until tonight. Somehow, when I got home from ultimate, they were mysteriously... gone. Odd. Not a one. Nothing. Nada. Like they packed up, flipped me the bird, and flew away to greener (more vitamin C filled?) pastures.

Groovy. And a bit disturbing. Like I'm gonna open a closet someday and find a giant wall of fruit flies staring me down.

*uncomfortables*

Rambling #2: Little Tim from the ultimate team tried to argue with a table full of girls (again) that getting kicked in the doo-da-doo is worse than giving birth. To which Poomobile replied, "why don't you take an apple and shove the whole thing in your mouth, and when you can't get it to fit, I'll start shoving it in there for you, and then I'll grab a pair of pliers and try and make your mouth wider sos it does fit, and then... THEN... come talk to me..."

*even more uncomfortables*

Rambling #3: The best part of starting something is... Everything.

Shoes

I bought farking 400 inch heels last night.

Really it was the ladies who talked me into them. They were oh-so-pretty and oh-so-glittery , I just had to get 'em for the weddings this summer (I feel a bit like Baby from "Dirty Dancing" in them, you know?) So when I got home and changed into my pjs (read: underpants and a t-shirt that says "Balls" on the back), I tottered around through the apartment on them.

Emphasis on the tottering.

Not sure how well I'll do in these babies when I'm two drinks in (three... four... five...) and cutting a rug on ye old dance floor. Could be messy. Could pull a Dark Horse and fall down a flight of stairs. Maybe I should just wear my flops with a sign on my back that says "my other shoes are fabulous"?

p.s. What's worse: "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii" or "Number 16 Bus Shelter"? I think I'm going with Number 16... Hey Beef, why not take a crack at "My Father Can Grow A Full Moustache in Under 30 Seconds"?

Badges and sh*t

Sometimes I wish I wore a uniform to work. A uniform with wicked badges.

And I'm not talking the kind of badges we want to give away on our camping soiree. I'm talking the kinda badges people actually respect. I'm talking about military-awesome badges, all lined up in a row on your shirt, all fierce and shiny and "don't mess with me" and BAM!

Yeah baby.

That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

*looks longingly into the distance*

Pool Toys...

... are not cheap. While yes, you can buy a standard pool lounger for $4.99 at your local Crappy Tire, you defs run the risk of deflating it with the first rock you meet ("Oh heller there Monsieur Rock, fancy meeting you *pffftttttt* ahh, cr@p...").

Pool loungers are also a negative on ye ole' fun scale. You really just wind up flouncing about with your great fat bottom in the air trying to pull yourself up onto it, making that awful plastic-on-skin-toot-sound, only to realize your great fat bottom weighs most of the pad down anyway, defeating the purpose of having a lounger to keep you dry and sunny.

This is why I went with the $19.99 Aero-Pro Disc in racing red, complete with head pillow and beer cosy (although in truth, I really wanted to spend $299.99 on the motorized Party Island, with built-in MP3 hook up, four waterproof speakers, six comfortable pillows, and six drink holders...) But seeing as there are only three of us (well, three and a half--to be explained later, FS...), I figured we didn't actually need six seats, speakers, and drink holders, so my $299.99 was better spent on le trip dans le Ireland.

...

Or spent decreasing my loan...

*shrugs*

p.s. Shhh... But I just had to tell you... I beat a certain someone to work ths morning... Hee!

Lucky

BSB and Fingers have a kittykat, and I may or may not lub him the most. You may remember him from Valentine's Days past, as the sender of my favoritest card?

Yup. Same guy.

Anywho. Lucky (that's his name) is a bit cantankerous.

Fingers says he's an asshole.
I say he's misunderstood.

Basically he doesn't like being manhandled. Or petted. Or called "puss puss". Or looked at sideways. Or followed out the front door. Or basically paid any sort of attention or given a lack there of. All of the above cause him to swat at the air and "meh" at you.

He's also a bit "hefty", as they say, which means he usually has some difficulty cleaning himself. So he's messy. And sorta dirty. And kinda mangy.

But I lubs him *hugs*

Sos as a result of the hefty and dirty, the other day Fingers and BSB had him put under for a full spring shaving. Yup, shaving. The aforementioned cantankerous-ness means he doesn't take too kindly to strangers approaching him with sharp objects--or dull objects... or really any object, for that matter--so they put him to sleep and take him to the cutters.

The result is a kittykat with a full bushy tail, a full bushy head, and full bushy kitteh boots. And a torso with a buzz cut. Literally, down to the skin, buzzy buzz buzz.

And he's a totally different kittykat. Honestly, like the weight of a thousand suns has been lifted from his shoulders, he's a born-again kitten with a new set of boots that were specifically made for walking (and that's just what he'll do...) He can't get enough petting, purring, snuggling, prancing, or showing off. He even, yes even, sat with me on a chair for 30 seconds or so while I scritched his headers (well, it was more like he stood awkwardly trying to figure out the easiest way to escape, but there was no hissing or spitting, which is defs an improvement over past attempts...)

Oh Lucky. I lub you.

Here he is doing one of his favorite things: eating... from his food keg... He's very clearly smiling in this photomagraph.

Friday odds and sods:

Manrissa and I went to the movies awhile back, and as we were driving, the new New Kids on the Block song came on: "Summertime".

Have you heard it?

Anywho. Although Manrissa is going to the concert in the fall *eye roll* we chuckled over the silliness of it all, and reminisced back to our days of the NKOTB fan club (I was a Jordan fan). And then we joked about their current song, and how men their age shouldn't be allowed to use words like "girl" to describe women, or have falsettos.

And then we joked about what the video probs looked like:

• Cliche beach scene with cliche flowing, open shirts.
• Cliche white suits.
• Cliche dance scene.
• Johnathon's still ugly.

I saw the video tonight...

And yup. Johnathon is still ugly.

In other news, there aren't enough occasions to wear sombreros.

Moreover, is it nieve of me to think that the couple in the eHarmony commercial is a real couple, and that they really did get married on May 3rd?

*sigh*

I know it... Don't say it...

And finally, I bought my first pair of le fab skinny jeans today, inspired by the ones I saw on Hurr_ah some months ago. She looked fab, and I hope to look fab in them, too. I recognize I'm a bit behind the times with my trends, as now Old Navy is selling skinny jeans, but I figure better late than never, non?*

*Actually, in re-reading this, I'm sure most of you are rolling your eyes thinking "Um, you could have given that money to a better cause, like amfAR or Save the Whales rather than spending it on sweatshop produced pants that will be out of fashion this time next year..."

Top 10 Things to Eat on a Camping Trip:

1. Chips (of course...)
2. Hot dogs. Preferably Shopsy's All Beef Wieners. Preferably done on a stick you whittled yourself.
3. S'mores. Last year we discovered the joys of using fudge sundae sauce instead of chocolate pieces. Ehn!
4. Pita Pizzas. But only if you bring Fingers along and get her to grill it for you, because the only thing worse than onions on a pizza is a burnt pita pizza, and that's usually what you get unless you have Fingers' patience. Oh, and you need foil to convection the cheese in the last 2-3 minutes.
5. Chips...
6. Beer. Although not technically a food, it can make a nice substitute.
7. That weird G.O.R.P.-y stuff with oats and peanut butter and chocolate and coconut that you make over the fire and it all melts together and sits in your stomach like a big brick block but oh goodness I lub it anyway and could eat it 'till I'm blue in the face.
8. Grilled cheese.
9. Jiffy Pop. Again, only if you have Fingers. Because she brings her big Poo Engineering metallic glove (don't want to know what that's for..) that pretty much goes up to your armpit so you don't get burnt to a crisp shake-shake-shaking your hot poppy goodness.
10. And finally... Although never been done on a girls weekend, corn. Bought on the way up to camping from the roadside. Husk on. Lots and lots of butter and salt.

Anything to add?

"You're nasty..."

Lilly Allen is ridiculous. So let me introduce you to my new fav song!

Voila, "Knock 'Em Out":

Ah, the memories:

(and AHHH, the horrors!)

'Tis the joy of cleaning out your basement, only to realize you buried that stuff down there for a bloody reason...

... Seriously, what was my mother thinking?

Boringks.

Work? Good.
Apartment? Good.
Yaris? Good.
Running? Good.
Vacation plans? Good.
Frisbee? Good.

*Sigh*

Nofink to report on, peeps. Nofink that I'm ready to report on, either...

It's so hot...

I'm going to take a minute and be "that girl" that complains about the weather. Mostly because there are a large portion of you who do not live in the So'O, and thus don't get exposure to the disgusting So'O humidity. So's I feel I can take a minute to b*tch.

It's so hot, my nose is sweating.
It's so hot, sitting on my slightly valour couch is uncomfortables.
It's so hot, the water tastes warm when it comes out of the cold tap.
It's so hot, my hands feel sticky right after I wash them.
It's so hot, I don't feel like having a sexy party (name that show?)
It's so hot, I don't feel like making popcorn.

And that's saying something.

Creepy things about my neighborhood:

1. Dogs live in twos. There are two Scottie dogs, two wiener dogs, two pugs (squee!!!), and two of those dogs that look like big walking mops. And they're always being walked together (the pairs), on leashes with red collars. Kind of like those twins from The Shining, but with less weird and more "awwww, aren't ya something..."
2. There is a witch on one of the side streets. And I know for a fact that she's a witch because she stands out on her front walk in her nightgown, with her white witch-y hair hanging down her back, pointing a finger at you as you walk/run by, mumbling something, as if she's cursing you. Lil' Fingers has seen her too. Although Lil' Fingers seems to think she might just be waving and saying hello.
3. Raspberry bushes line the trail I run on. So every once in awhile, while I'm running, people will leap out of the bushes covered in raspberry juice blood.

Badges

For our annual girls camping weekend, Fingers and I have taken it upon ourselves to get our hands on some Scouting badges to randomly "award" throughout the trip. We were thinking the usual badges--camp fire excellence, outdoor education, friendship, etc.

Unfortunately, the local scout shop is closed for the summer (wtf?) so we have to look online. Which lead to some pretty funny google searches, and some pretty awesome potential awards. Not the least of which is pictured below. I'm pretty determined to get my hands on the following:


*snicker*

Let's play "you do, but you don't..."

You have to love when your work week starts on a Thursday and ends on a Friday. This is the kind of employment I could get used to.

You don't have to love it when your phone throws up on you and decides it's going to take a vacation from it's duties as text-message-provider-and-all-around-communicado-tool.

But you do have to love it when you get to go to the Telus store and buy a fancy new phone that's red and goes "hmm hmm hmmmmm" when you have a new text.

You don't have to love it when you forget that there's no bread and you make your favorite--egg salad--for lunch, with nothing to "sandwich" it in between.

But you do have to love it when maybe your friend Fingers is coming to the library to do some work and she says "want to have lunch with me today?" and you say "why yes I would" and she says "how about 12:00?" and you say "yes, that sounds nice."

Cottage

Sorry for the absence, folks. I've been lounging it up "inflatable party island" styles at BSB's cottage. While the weather (the the mother trucking black flies) refused to cooperate, the puzzles, drinks, snacks, sauna, midnight swims, board games, reading, hammock, etc. did. So all in all, ridiculous and mucho funtastic--holla to my friends Fingers and BSB for their huge hospitality.

While there, a soon-to- be-married friend got us thinking about the most inappropriate first dance songs. Fingers and I came up with "Love the One You're With" by Crosby, Stills and Nash:

"And if you can't be with the one you love; It's alright; Go ahead and love the one, love the one, love the one your with."

Beef came up with "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder.

"Well, my girl's in the next room; Sometimes I wish she was you; I guess we never really moved on; It's really good to hear your voice saying my name; It sounds so sweet; Coming from the lips of an angel; Hearing those words it makes me weak; And I never wanna say goodbye; But girl you make it hard to be faithful; With the lips of an angel."

Any suggestions?

p.s. I've seen my first episode of Entourage. And BG--you were right. Farking good.

p.p.s. Worth the wait.

Late breaking news!

This just in:

I am a genius (and clearly a smidge clairvoyant, as well).

Remember THIS?

Well, I'm not too far off, am I? Too bad Tyra didn't jump that bandwagon first. I could have claimed some artistic rights over that sh*t.

No post for you.

Question:

Ideally, if someone was to play you on TV (or in the movies), who would that someone be?

Am I?

Tonight, someone suggested I'm too sarcastic.

To which I replied, "You're right. I am.*"

So please vote on the poll.




*sarcasm not intended.

Oooo doggie...

Gotta love the jems you find when you're weeding your laptop "My Pictures" folder. Nice to see a few familiar faces, non? Or bums... Or Barbies...

Puppy dog tails

It's official, peeps!

Beef is having a big, chubbers bubbers boy!

*does happy tappity-tap dance*

See for yourself:

And no, for the record, you can't actually SEE that he's a boy from this picture (sheesh, people... Susie, I can hear you giggling back there...) But you can see his wee button nose. And his arms, and one of his chubby baked ham legs. And that tummy looks pretty full and round, so it looks like my plans for a fully squeezable nephew (first time saying NEPHEW!!!) are well on their way.

So, let's decide on a name for him, huh? This seems like a fairly easy decision, and one that I am totally qualified to make. As are you, because you're my friends. I would be surprised, in fact, if she didn't give me the responsibility of naming her first born son.

So...

*cracks knuckles*

Let's start a running list, and then Beef can choose one from our extensive and high-quality selections. And I'll begin. I suggest:

Harris Tweed. Or maybe Paris Garters? Or what about Leroy McMeowser Pants? I could give you my pug name, Dr. Snuggles? Then all the kids in kindergarten will think he's smart on the first day, what with already have an MD before his name and all.

I know, there are a lot of choices. Take your time. Think about it, and add a name to the comments. I'm positive she'll choose one we put forward.

*shoves Beef*

So popular...

We played ultimate Frisbee tonight and got beaten... really, really badly.

Part of the issue was they had twice as many players than us, so while they were refreshed and energized, we were dragging butters. So as a joke, one of our teammates called out to a group of kids passing by "Hey! You're wearing a black t-shirt (our uniform colour)... Want to play on our team?"

(I should preface here by saying that we were in a rough part of the city, so I'm pretty sure these kids--who were like 8 years-old--were gang members.)

The one kid, in all his 3-foot, 2-inches Crips-ish-ness, calls back "Pfft. I'm too good for you guys. Except maybe her."

POINTING TO ME!

Bhahahahaha!

I'm a gang girl now. Does that mean I have to start turning tricks?

Here are some words that for various reasons, I don't like to use:

Probe.
Panties.
Bang.
Fertile.
Regurgitate.
Seepage.
Juicy.
Clogged.
Squirt.
Prostrate.

You?

A terrible realization...

I'm coming to the disappointing realization I care too much what others think of me.

And I really wish I didn't.

*taps finger to lip*

Hmm...

Not quite sure what that's about. Not quite sure how that got started. Not quite sure how to get past that.

*puts on lab coat and pushes up glasses*

I'm gonna come to the bottom of this one. Because it's ridiculous.

Hey! Pet peeve? Wasn't I clear?

Pet Peeves and BSB

I have a lot of pet peeves. Please refer to the following list for a more thorough (although incomplete) representation of said peeves.

There is one in particular, however, that's beginning to seriously irk me. It needs to be eliminated. I'm not even sure I can really classify it a peeve, it bugs me so much. Completely consuming. It's so much more of a peeve, in fact, I might even have to classify it an "ehn."

Regardless, however, whatever I'm calling it, it needs to seriously go away. So consider this a formal call-out to Pet Peeve/Ehn #41: Go away. Get out. I'm through with it.

...

In other news, last night was our first Ti-Cat game as season ticket holders. Supa' fun. Fingers and I bought matching t-shirts, and Dark Horse and I bought matching pizza slices. We were forced to leave before the end of the fourth quarter, however, because BSB got "cold and hungry". He even made Fingers buy him a blanket (or cape, as he preferred to call it), which he refused to share with his shivering ladies:

And yes. That is an oversized foam hat. It's funny... It's a funny hat (name that SNL skit...)

My current love affair...

It's rare if I find one album a year I like enough to buy. Last year it was Paulo Nutini's "These Streets"--New Shoes was my mantra. This year I thought it was Kate Nash's "Made of Bricks"--hello Shit Song and Pumpkin Soup?

But whoa! Wait up, friends! There might be a *second course to this musical feast of mine.

*Excuse the extra cheesy analogies.... I'm excited...

Seriously. I know this prolly gets old to those who check in daily. But honestly, Estelle's new album "Shine" is so ridiculously good, I can't even begin to explain it. Go out and buy it, or at least hit up your library (like me) and borrow it.

Every morning I climb into Yaris, turn to track one, unroll my windows and blare the CD all the way to the library. And at 5:00 I get back in, finish the record, and go back through for replays of the songs I like most (Wait Just a Minute, No Substitute Love, American Boy, So Much Out the Way, and You Are...) It's honestly like her lyrics are speaking about me.

Sigh.

I heart Estelle.

S-M-R-T

Tonight's "Much Music Top 10" was robot themed. So of course, my instinct was to call Fingers, and in turn BSB, who is deathly afraid of robots after reading that in 10 years, 70% of the world will actaully be robots (or something like that...)

Anywho, BSB didn't see the humor in my calling. So he sarcastically replied "Much Music is for 14 year-olds." To which I replied, "Much Music is for people who enjoy music created after the gramophone."

...

In other news, Free Samples and I went to see Iron Man last night. All around fab--including the popcorn. But, I'm stuck on something:

What's the deal with these Afghanistan mountains? Why is it so difficult to find Osama bin Laden (not to be confused with Obama bin Laden *blush*) in these so called hills? They look pretty barren to me.

"Is he behind that rock? No? Hmm... Well than what about that other rock 500 yards that'a way? No again, huh. Well, gosh darn the only place left to look is the other, other rock, 3 miles in the other direction..."

Of course, all of my reference points are from major Hollywood blockbusters. I've never actually been to Afghanistan. Bosnia Herzegovina, yes. But Afghanistan, no. But I gotta think it would be a lot harder to find him in a rainforest. So why aren't we searching there, hmm?

Regardless, really, the entire argument is futile.

Two words: Google. Maps.

Ireland-a-go-go!

I booked my farking trip!

EHN!

It's true. Friday was a bit of a whirlwind, and after many email exchanges with my travel agent, I went ahead and booked. There was a total steal of a flight, and I worried if I waited (like I did with the Octoberfest trip) the deal would pass me by. So, Ireland, here I come!

I leave September 26th (the day after my birthday...) and spend two days in Dublin on my own. Followed by a five day tour with Shamrocker, and one last day on my own before leaving. Here's the itinerary:

Day 1: Dublin to Westport
Immerse yourself in myth and legend first off at The Hill of Tara, seat of the High Kings and a Pagan Stronghold of ancient Ireland. Next, off to Kilbeggan, home to one of the oldest licensed Whiskey Distilleries in the world. After sampling the good stuff it’s onto Ireland’s pilgrimage town of Knock to clear your conscience! The Atlantic town of Westport is a perfect place to sit back and enjoy the ‘Ceol agus Craic’ (that’s music and good times to us!)

Day 2: Westport To Galway
En route to Kylemore Abbey, enjoy the spectacular scenery of Connemara, from our own Holy Mountain Croagh Patrick to Doolough Valley with a lake as dark as its history. Walk through the brooding mountains of wild and rugged Connemara or picnic on one of its beautiful white sandy beaches before relaxing in the tiny capital of the region, Clifden. Next it’s onto Roundstone for a bit of Bodhran making. Galway city is next! Hang out in its maze of colorful medieval streets and soak up its lively cultural scene.

Day 3: Galway To Doolin
Start the day with a beautiful scenic drive along Galway Bay & Kinvarra Bay into the heart of the Burren’s lunar limestone landscape. Wonder at the 5000 year old portal tomb Pol na Brone Dolmen before a coastal drive to a beautiful beach for a game of Gaelic footie! Relax over a pint of the black stuff before seeing the awe inspiring Cliffs of Moher. Doolin, home of traditional Irish music is our overnight stop.

Day 4: Doolin To Killarney
Head south along the windswept coast of Clare. Watch out for dolphins on our ferry crossing over the mighty River Shannon. Sit back and enjoy the beautiful countryside of Ireland’s Kingdom, Kerry, en route to the charming and colourful fishing town, Dingle - home to Fungi the Dolphin! Take in the spectacular views along the Dingle peninsula, a magical place of unique beauty, beaches, palm trees, stonewalls and Irish speakers! Spot the Sleeping Giant and the Three Sisters as you walk to the edge of the world! Then it’s the drama and spectacle of the Kerry Mountains before settling in for the night. Our overnight stop is bustling Killarney town, surrounded by Killarney National Park and the famous lakes.

Day 5: Killarney To Dublin
From the mountains of Kerry we Journey through the picturesque valleys and the pretty hills of West Cork- the cradle of the Irish War of Independence where you'll hear tales of Michael Collins and the old IRA. Kiss the Blarney Stone and discover fairy lore. Walk the wishing steps, get the gift of the gab and enjoy the magic and scullduggery of Blarney Castle. Be inspired by the tower of Babel formation in the Mitchelstown Caves. Wonder at the dramatic spectacle of the Rock of Cashel, a church fortress overlooking the fertile plains of Munster. Then it's through Tipperary and on past the stud farms of Kildare as we make for the Fair City - Dublin. There may even be time for a last pint in a hidden pub along the way!

And I really am so, so excited, it's ridiculous. I think 1/4 of the excitement is because it's a vacation from work to somewhere different and new. Whereas 3/4 of the excitement comes from the fact it's all mine. No one elses. Just mine. My trip. Mine. Mine. Mine.

Now, as Fingers pointed out, I just need to learn Leprechaun.

Psst...

... I booked my flight to Ireland...

...

...

*squee*

Snore-fest

Let's talk about John Legend...

Yum, etc. n'est pas?

In other news, 'tis Buskerfest in Dundas this weekend, which makes me happy for two reasons:

1. Patios.
2. Carnivals = cotton candy and candy apples. Not that I generally buy either of these, but I like the way they make the air smell.

Reminds me a bit of the Fringe in Edmonton, really (for those who've not experienced a busking event.) Except I used to be scared of the buskers (clowns) and I don't remember being scared at the Fringe.

This post is fairly boring, so I appologize. Perhaps I'll update later should something--anything--exciting happen.

Three things that confuse me:

1. There are few things I love more than stove popped popcorn, so it's rapidly becoming a nightly routine. My pot is just the right size for one nice sized serving, or two smalls, and I've got the kernel-to-melted-butter ratio down pat. Same with the timing.

There is one matter, however, that continues to confuse me. And that is, what the deal is with "name brand" kernels. How are the Orville Redenbacher's better than the President's Choice's? Why would I pay $3.75 for a bag that would cost me $0.99 at the Bulk Barn, hmm? Can someone shed some secret popcorn light on this for me?

2. Angelique from Rock of Love 2. I'm pretty sure she's never had plastic surgery. Pretty. Sure. I'm not convinced, but I'm pretty sure she's all natural. So I don't understand why someone with this much intelligence and charisma and "wow factor" would go on a show like Rock of Love 2? Now don't get me wrong, Bret Michaels is a real catch. He's a very pretty lady boy, and I envy his high quality weave and the size of his upper lip. But this woman is clearly a really high class hooker. And she could do so much better.

I wonder if Ben Mulroney is single?

3. There are certain traditions that I'm sad to say have gone by the way side--hats and gloves; boys opening doors; dinner dances. In line with this, why have we not started a competitive croquet league? Not only is croquet retro chic (or at least, it will be when we bring it back), but this seems like an easy solution to our missing three pitch team. And I feel like I could kick some serious butters at croquet (if I could get past Poomoblie, who I'm pretty sure would resort to beating me with the mallet in order to win...)

Regarding Canadian Idol

Let's talk about the travesty that is Canadian Idol. For ease of argument, I've bulleted my points.

Reason #1 to hate the show: Ben Mulroney.

I find it hard to believe he is our home town equivalent of Ryan Seacrest. Granted, Mr. Seacrest is nowhere near the fabulousness that is le bread avec le slice. But Ben? Really?

a) He wears sports coats. All. The. Time. Sports coats do not = legitimate or handsome. Who's giving him this advice? Probs the same person who told Camilla Scott to end her show with the phrase "take care, brush your hair..."

b) Speaking of hair, his is hair is ridiculous. Two words: Donald Trump.

c) His voice is like nails on a chalkboard. And he's always yelling. Sit DOWN Ben Mulroney. You're not Justin Trudeau. I'm sorry.

Reason #2 to hate the show: Zack Werner.

Who is this man, and why does he have the right to be a judge on the show? CTV.ca tells me his musical background ranges from the seedy Manitoba underbelly, to the wilds of Minnesota. Last I heard, neither was the thriving metropolis of the music industry. And lets not forget about the undeniable success of his band, The Ringing. You have heard of The Ringing, haven't you?!

...

...

p.s. He's rude. Leave the poor, nice North-of-Saskamatoon-girl alone, @ssface.

Reason #3 to hate the show: Kalan Porter.

Reason #4 to hate the show: No follow through.

Where are all these so called "winners," hmm? We're in season six now, huh? Yeah. We are. Which means there have been five PREVIOUS winners... Brian Melo, Eva Avila, Melissa O'Neil, Kalan Porter, and Ryan Malcolm.

I know, I know. Ryan Malcom is huge. After all there was that time he... Oh wait, no, that wasn't him. Oh but he did have that album... Oh wait, no. Again, not him. Yeah, but Melissa O'Neil, now there's a star. She's... Um... No, no again... And I think we all know my thoughts on Kalan *eye roll* I will deny until the day I die I was at that concert. I mean, I was basically tricked into it, and spent the entire time drinking. The scar of his "floor-gasm" will haunt me for life.

Now, for shoots and googles, let's compare our successes to that of the American Idol, shall we? (please note, I don't watch either, but wikipedia is an amazing pop culture resource...):

Kelly Clarkson? Yup. Fantasia Barrino. Huge on the Gospel scene. Carrie Underwood? Uh huh. Katharine McPhee and Chris Daughtry? Check. And hey! They didn't even WIN for poops sake! And then there's Jordan Sparks--regardless of how inane and tres horrible her songs may be (honestly, they make me want to punch and kick), she's all over the flippin' radio (much to my chagrin...)

In conclusion, heretofore, ipso facto, moreover... Ew.

p.s. I have a lurker on my chin. It's so big, I honestly believe it's my twin. Praise Xenu it's far enough under there I can't see it when I look down.

Unforgettable Canada: 100 Destinations by Fischer and Hudson

I got inspired.

This title was a new book in our display area, and during a quick thumb through I thought to myself "Hey... I've been there... And there... And there!"

Turns out I've been to 16/100 places. Not bad, really.

Now it's your turn! Can you round out the list? Have you been to any of these places? If so, write it out in the comments, and we'll see if we can cross out all 100! I'll do my best to update as we go along:

1. Iceberg-Watching, NL
2. Dempster Highway, YT & NT
3. Parksville Beach Festival, BC
4. Le Pays de le Sagouine, NB
5. North of Superior, ON
6. Dinosaur Provincial Park & Badlands, AB
7. Kayaking with Killer Whales, BC
8. Old Quebec, QC
9. Auquittuq National Park, NU
10. Cape Spear National Historical Site, NL
11. Little Doctor Lake, NT
12. Thousand Islands, ON
13. Historic Lunenburg, NS
14. World’s Tallest Totem Pole, BC
15. Land of Living Skies, SK
16. Tuktoyaktuk & Pingos, NT
17. Lake Louise, AB
18. L’Anse aux Meadows National Historic Site, NL
19. Montreal Jazz Festival, QC
20. Mary’s Point Shorebird Reserve, NB
21. Mt. Robson Provincial Park, BC
22. Big Muddy Badlands & the Outlaw Trail, SK
23. Algonquin Provincial Park, ON
24. West Edmonton Mall, AB
25. Cape Breton Highlands & the Cabot Trail, NS
26. Historic Whitehorse, YT
27. Juan Perez Sound & Hot Springs Island, BC
28. Gatineau Hot-Air Balloon Festival, QC
29. Virginia Falls, NT
30. Prince Edward Island National Park, PE
31. Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump, AB
32. CN Tower, ON
33. Cirque of the Unclimbables, NT
34. Grasslands National Park, SK
35. Witless Bay Ecological Reserve, NL
36. The Inside Passage, BC
37. Pointe-au-Pere Lighthouse, QC
38. Agawa Canyon, ON
39. Nahanni National Park Reserve, NT
40. Baffin Island, NU
41. Pacific Rim National Park Reserve, BC
42. Peggy’s Cove, NS
43. Ram Plateau, NT
44. Canada Day in Ottawa, ON
45. Gulf Islands National Park Reserve, BC
46. Bay of Fundy Tides
47. Montmorency Falls, QC
48. Calgary Stampede, AB
49. Top of the World Highway, YT
50. Great Sand Hills, SK
51. Cape St. Mary’s Ecological Reserve, NL
52. Beach combing by Helicopter, BC
53. Moraine Lake & the Valley of Ten Peaks, AB
54. Confederation Bridge, PE
55. Old Montreal, QC
56. The Fortress of Louisbourg, NS
57. Dawson City, YT
58. Ile Bonaventure & Perce Rock, QC
59. The Rocky Mountaineer Train Trip, AB & BC
60. Skating on the Rideau Canal, ON
61. Cape Bonavista, NL
62. Vancouver Seawall, BC
63. Glacier Lake, NT
64. Magadalen Islands Seals, Birds & Sandcastles, QC
65. Writing-on-Stone Provincial Park, AB
66. Mt. Logan, YT
67. Gwaii Haanas National Park Reserve, BC
68. Killarney & La Cloche Mountains, ON
69. Icefields Parkway, AB
70. Shediac: Lobster Capital, NB
71. Churchill’s Polar Bears, MB
72. Gros Morne National Park, NL
73. Yellowknife: Canada’s Diamond Capital, NT
74. Stanley Park, BC
75. Grand Manan, NB
76. Dog sledding in QC, QC
77. Niagara Falls & Niagara Wine Country, ON
78. Great Northern Arts Festival, NT
79. Athabasca Glacier, AB
80. Signal Hill National Historic Site, NL
81. Brackendale Bald Eagles, BC
82. Cape Enrage, NB
83. Mount Royal & St. Joseph’s Oratory, QC
84. Gimli Icelandic Festival, MB
85. Ice-Fishing on Lake Simcoe, ON
86. Masset Potlatch, BC
87. Quebec Winter Carnival & Ice Hotel, QC
88. Bouctouche Dune, NB
89. Waterton Lakes National Park, AB
90. Tea at the Empress, BC
91. Kluane National Park, YT
92. Canadian Mint, MB
93. Entry Island, QC
94. Della Falls, BC
95. Lucy Maud Montgomery’s Cavendish National Historical Site, PE
96. Kitikmeot & Beechey Island Historic Site, NU
97. Banff Springs Hotel, AB
98. Reversing Falls, NB
99. Cruising the St. Lawrence, QC
100. Salmon Fishing in the Queen Charlotte Islands, BC

His milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

Today I passed a man riding a street bike (what used to be called a "10-speed," I believe?) and the seat was red. I won't tell you how shocking it was to see him. At first glance, I thought his goodies were poking out of his bike shorts, if you know what I mean.

*shift eyes*

Red bike seats should be illegal.

Happy Monday, peeps.

10 things I'm not the best at:

(A shorter list...)

1. Talking on the phone and doing anything else at the same time.
2. Cross stitching the letter "E".
3. Remembering people's names.
4. Dusting.
5. MLA references.
6. Spelling.
7. Being upset with someone.
8. Sleeping.
9. Flirting, if I could actually have a shot with you.
10. Taking criticism.

20 things I'm the best at:

1. Dominoes.
2. Drawing cartoon versions of myself.
3. Tidying.
4. Thinking about how life situations are "just like that time on The Simpsons..."
5. Reading many books at once.
6. Turning the music up.
7. Planning for camping (tied with Fingers?)
8. Swimming from one end of the pool to the other, underwater, without taking a breath.
9. Making toasted egg sandwiches.
10. Cuddling.
11. Not sleeping.
12. Adding "that's what she said" to the end of friend's sentences.
13. Checking CuteOverload.com for new pictures.
14. Texting the long way.
15. Saying the alphabet backwards.
16. Remembering which Dewey number is which subject.
17. Reciting the names of the Barbapapas.
18. Eating chips.
19. Giving the finger under the dash.
20. Starting a sudoku.

Saskamatchewans...

... Have you guys heard about the guy who tried to take a balloon into the stratosphere? I believe this was in your neck of the woods, Violette. He was going to ride it to the edge of the atmosphere, and then sky dive? But apparently his balloon left without him.

And like, we're talking a $400,000 balloon. And no one was holding on to it. And it floated away. Without him.

I'm sad for him.

Poor balloon guy.

I'm actually more sad for the tool who was supposed to be holding it. I bet he's got egg on his face. He really dropped the ball, there. Or should that be "balloon".

*tee hee*

Play close attention, kiddies!

It's Friday, and I think we can all benefit from these Coronet Educational 'hygiene' films. I know I will:



Um, p.s. Nick's friend, Jeff, is a total hottie.



"Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care..."



And Poomobile, I hope you paid close attention to the advice given about "Jenny"... Parking in cars with boys is a lose-lose situation.

An Acrostic Poem for Fingers

F is for the French shows she used to translate for me after school... "I told you, I don't know what they said... Something about dating and grapefruit and I think that guy used to work in a bakery?! I don't know... Stop pressuring me..."

I is for the Hewitt's ice cream enjoyed annually with MadLibs on the way home from Long Point, squished in the back of Dean and Lorraine's car with Dark Horse, Lil' Fingers, and dearest Fingers. Now, gimme three nouns, two adverbs, and an adjective...

N is for Nemesis. And nervy.

G is for gallons of water spent on water balloons, which we'd meticulously and religiously role down Beaulah avenue. Damn Mikey always havin' to ruin our fun,

E is for everyday--the frequency at which we talked when I lived in Edmonton.

R is for retirement home, where we will end up when we are 98 years old, sharing a room with twin beds. And she will have nervys. And I will tell her to calm down and make a plan.

S is for Slurpee's with penny candies (remember when they used to cost $0.29? You're old, so you probably remember when you had to walk 5 miles in bare feet to the closest 7-11...)

Happy birfday, dearest Fingers-o-Fingers!

THEN:

NOW:

Someone? Please?

Free Samples had no idea what Size Small was... Tell me somewhere out there in the universe SOMEONE knows about Size Small (besides Poomobile and Fingers...) Friend Record? Do these words mean nothing to you people?

In other news, I found a mouse poop on my dresser tonight. A single one. A MOUSE POOP! Dear god. I bet the googly eyed monster was watching me sleep. I'm trying to be all "S'kay... I don't mind... It's just a wee mouse" but really inside I'm freakin' out, like that time Free Samples and I found one in the kitchen cabinet and had to call the human sea cucumber to inspect the sink area.

List-y

Another successful weekend come and gone, but a short week to boot, so I can't complain. How 'bout a list to kick this party off, hmm? It's been awhile...

1. 20 Chicken McNuggets are not the standard order. 4, 6, and 10 are a standard order, with 10 generally reserved for a) the exceptionally hungry, b) a small family, or c) Paul Bunyan. 20 Chicken McNuggets, although tasty, are regretful.

2. Fingers did two (or three?) Irish Car Bombs on Sunday night...? Who is this person, and what has she done with my real Fingers?

3. Speaking of Fingers, we're taking a course at the Royal Botanical Gardens: "An Introduction to Beekeeping". Yup, that's right. I think this means that I will have made two progressive steps towards completing my improbable life goals this year: I road a donkey in art class, and soon I will have "a better understanding of the equipment needed [for beekeeping], maintenance of hives through the seasons, harvesting honey, and much more."

4. Can someone explain to me what "Meerkat Manor" is all about? I'm confused. Who watches this?

5. You people have been no help in the trip planning. It's pretty much an even vote for Ireland, Costa Rica, and somewhere in Canada... Sigh...

Meh

I'd like to suggest we begin actively campaigning for the Merriam-Webster Word of 2008. I'd like to nominate:

"meh"

Last year it was "w00t" (my blog font type doesn't do it justice, but those are two zeros in there, not o's). It's an interjection. While "meh" is also a bit of an interjection (Me: "Get out of my way!" You: "Meh!") I think it has more range.

It can be an adjective:

Me: "How was your chicken pot pie?"
You: "Meh."

It can be a verb:

Me: "What did you do yesterday after the pinata party?"
You: "Meh."

(I'm not quite sure how to make it an adverb, but I'm sure one of you braniacs can think of something...)

So, if you're with me, please comment and make it offish, and ban with me together in a brotherhood of meh. And now, to the Batmobile! Err... I mean... meh.

Psst...

Bet you didn't think there was a post, hmmm?

Nu-uh, I bet you di'int...

...but there was!

Ha! Joke's on you.

Cleaver, huh?

*skips off to think about how cleaver she is*

Psst...

I got ladies MVP for our first ultimate Frisbee game!

I'd like to thank Fingers, for pushing me to play, and for encouraging me even when I threw the Frisbee clear the opposite direction to its intended direction.

I'd like to thank the guy on the other team who was a bit too aggressive because "he's been playing ultimate Frisbee in the Hammer for six years and blah, blah, blah" which really just made us all laugh and want to win that much more.

I'd like to thank Poomobile and Big Guy. Just 'cause.

I'd like to thank Free Samples, for NOT SHOWING UP... Pfft... #1 fan, indeed...

And last but not least, I'd like to thank Big John for getting nailed in the nuts and making us all laugh.

Appearances can be deceiving...

Found this littly diddy whilst cleaning out boxes, post move. I think I'll caption it "Secret Op". See description below:

(From left to right) Dark Horse, Beef, Library Lady, Lil' Fingers, Fingers

"If it wasn't for this photo op," Fingers thought, "I could slip away and shred the incriminating photos in my shoulder bag."

Or perhaps...

"Beef wasn't sure where her sister had purchased the glock, but she knew if she kept smiling someone would notice that her sister was robbing her."

Or perhaps...

"If she'd just let me play her white leather Michael Jackson purse, I wouldn't have to rob her. And I'll have to remember to wipe the prints off this baby before I give it back to Lil' Fingers. That last time I borrowed her glock and returned it dirty, I found a horse head in my toddler bed."

Or perhaps...

"Dark Horse's forced grin was fooling no one. She hated her short-pant outfit. And oh yes... They would all regret forcing her to wear it."

Travel

To make a long story short, I got a bit pooched with my vacation this year. It's not worth going into. But plans for Morocco are defs on hold, with only about a week of holidays for the entire 2008 calendar year.

So.

*rubs hands together*

I need some suggestions.

I'm set to take my vacation September 26th (give or take) to October 6th (give or take). I'm looking for something relatively low stress. I'd like to avoid a language barrier, and all trips requiring major jet leg and/or more than a day's travel.

My initial thoughts are Ireland and Scotland (yes, yes, FS. I know... We talked about Ireland, and although we agreed it's one of those places you could do when you're 69, not 29, size and travel time warrants the consideration.) And Fingers did a tour of Scotland with Haggis and had only good things to say. I have relatives in Denmark I'm told are always looking to welcome visitors. And then there's the idea of renting a cottage in Northern Ontario (I've always wanted to camp around Lake Superior.) And I'm not at all opposed to travel within Canada--I've never been to Vancouver or Victoria... Didn't Genevieve do some crazy Victoria kayak thing?

I should mention here I'm also interested in some sort of group package--traveling by oneself is cool, and part of the appeal of going somewhere foreign this time 'round, but I'd also like to meet people. And I think it's just the way I prefer to travel. Not necessarily in a large yellow caravan covering 14 countries in 7 days, but in a small group of some form, at some point in the holiday... i.e. a 5-day Ireland tour and 2-3 days in Dublin. Savvy?

So with that said, does anyone have any advice? Anything you'd like to suggest? A city I should visit, a tour I should do, or a site I should see? Lady G, you're an expert traveller... Recommendations?

Help.

And thanks.

I created a Simponson version of myself:
What do you think?

Doooo eeeet yourself now at http://www.simpsonizeme.com/

Coincidence or conspiracy?

Can we please discuss something mucho serious and important?

On this season of The Hills, LC is sporting the side braid:

But let's not forget who made the side braid popular. Namely, me.

Exhibit A:


And Exhibit B:


It's disgusting how these people try and copy me. I'm clearly a style maven. Next thing you know Demi and Ashton are going to start saying they started the Mexican Train craze... Ha! Pfft... Hey! Wait just a minute now... That was soooo me, like, 6 years ago! Beef, back me up here!

Happy Cinco de Mayo, B*tches.

LOST lust

I bet Mr. Wigmore is Ben's constant.

And I bet Charlie is Jack's constant.

And then whomever visits Jack in real time/the future is Jack's constant...

And I bet this show is like cat paws and crack and baby feet (nice reference, FS.)

Say it with me:

*sing song*

Addictive...

And for prosperity, a picture of Sawyer. Because he's that hot. Mm hmm.

*pushes up scientist-like glasses and adjusts lab coat*

Vote!

In the words of Cute Overload:

Vote vote vote!
Like a baby stoat.

Stoat stoat stoat!
Cast a leetle vote!

Now get thee butters to Pants' blog and post thee comments on this month's book, Uglies by Scott Westerfield.

Dooooo eeeet!

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.